Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Rut, or why you really need a seam ripper and why you shouldn't complain that you don't have one on facebook

Some days are sewing days, some days are seam ripping days.

I think, this is true of everything in life, just in it's own metaphoric way.
Some days are painting days, some days are gesso days.
Drawing day, erasing day.
Playing day, working day.
Cooking day, eating day.
Ok, that last one is a little off.

Life really swings back and forth, like a pendulum.
But is it always a negative to a positive, to a negative, to a positive? Or is it all perspective?
Like this:

I like to tell myself that this is how I see the world. I tell myself this a lot. But does it really mean that I believe it?
Recently I've been in a rut. Get home from work, play with my kids for an hour while we make dinner, eat said dinner, then kids go to bed and I sit on the couch in front of the Holy Glowing Box for a couple of hours with my Sig O. Then I get ready for the next day, and sleep.
Sound exciting? Yep. Here's the thing.
My brain is active and engaged all day. Teaching. Mentoring. Motivating. OMG motivating teenagers is herding cats. I have energy for them, because I HAVE to. They deserve it.  It's the career I've chosen.
My own littles, I have energy for them at the end of my day because I look forward to them ALL DAY, again, I chose to have my two adorable toddlers, and they are so worth it.
By 8 pm. I had nothing left for "me".
Nothing. And before you say, well, you chose that too,  I was really ok with that for a while.
For a while.
Because, some days I sew in my life, and some day I don't. The days I don't, don't define my life though, because I don't see them as a set back. I see them as a hiatus. A brain hiatus.
And I can come back to my painting, and sewing. It doesn't make me not an artist, it doesn't make me anything.
So, remember how I said, I was all good, for a while?

I do believe that Life is all about balance and perspective. So much of being happy with what we have, and don't have, revolves around being happy with where you stand and your point of view. As people, we often get caught up in the lives and issues of others.

Our generation is lost in the minutia of negativity. Whining to an audience that gives thumbs-ups and "likes" and enabling feedback for everything.  EVERYTHING.  

"Praying for you, " "hugs," "OMG." 

When really, we need to be confronting each other, and ourselves, for this behavior.  

"You sound depressed, I'm worried about you. Let's talk."
"I know that thing are hard right now, lets get together and figure something out."

But see, these kinds of words, they require actions. ACTION. DOING something. And the glory of facebook is that no one ever DOES anything. Because we don't have to, there is no accountability. 

I don't like posting negative shit on facebook.
My life does not suck. My kids are kids, they do crazy shit, they frustrate me with their undeveloped frontal lobes. But that is parenting. They are my children. 

My job is exhausting, and challenging and I love it. Some days are hard, some are crazy. But it's my JOB.

And if I don't like that I am not creating stuff, I'm going to do something about it.

So, I am DOING this. 

I've promised myself that I will sew, and paint. at least 3 days a week.

So far, it's been working out pretty well. I've been at it 2 weeks.

Its a challenge to come home and find the brain function to create.

I like a challenge.